Comfortable with Uncertainty

I've got three full weeks of riding to work every day under my belt.  I feel like I've undergone a huge shift in my mindset about this.

It's funny.  Not ha-ha funny.  But interesting funny.  I got an email from a friend, Grammarblock blog writer Monika, commenting that I've been quiet lately in my blog/writing.  I realized I'd finally been riding MORE than writing or thinking about riding.  That's a huge shift.  AND....a powerful one for me.

I was noticing something that would happen in my thoughts when it would be late in the evening, about the time I was getting ready for bed, getting the next day's lunch ready, etc.  That is when I was always deciding on whether to ride the next day or not.  So many times, countless times, my thoughts would go to a safe kind of thought.  The thought would be something like, "I've already ridden twice this week, I should rest tomorrow."  Boom.  Instant nail in the coffin for riding the next day.

Something shifted though a few weeks ago when I started to allow myself to hear that little thought in the back of my mind that was saying...."what would it be like to ride all five days.  I bet you'd feel great about that, and I bet you're physically ready for it."

Physically I have been ready for it.  It was mostly all in my head, so to speak.  I have been a bit more tired in the evening, but then, I sleep more soundly.  Good deal on that.

The title of this posting, COMFORTABLE WITH UNCERTAINTY, is the title of a book by Pema Chödrön, who I've written about before and provided some links for her talks, teachings.  The first line in Chapter 32 is:  There are three habitual methods that human beings use for relating to troubling habits such as laziness, anger, or self-pity.  I call these the three futile strategies- the strategies of attacking, indulging, and ignoring.  


She goes on to say a few paragraphs on:  The mind-training practices of the warrior present a fourth alternative, the alternative of an enlightened strategy.  Try fully experiencing whatever you've been resisting- without exiting in your habitual ways.  Become inquisitive about your habits.  


Become inquisitive about your habits.  So true.  

¡Ay, qué frío!

I don't care what accuweather.com said this morning, it was not 56 degrees when I headed out the door at 6:30 to leave for work.  I could see my breath it was so chilly for the first 15-20 mins....brrrrr.
Then...it got soooooo beautiful.....wow.  The sun coming up, the crisp air.
And coming home was just as great...the chill in the air, and seeing the sliver of the moon just risen....another wow for that.  No pics today, but so beautiful that I had to mention it.

I think of so many things to blog about while I ride, then I more than not don't write them down and they're gone from my head....This post is about more just writing something than having a specific purpose.

One of the things that I think is so compelling, and that draws me to ride more and more is what it does to my mind.  It's an experience that doesn't happen while driving a car, for me at least...it's unique to my bike riding experience.  It's usually one of two experiences: the first is really like a type of meditation.  I become very "present"...when I'm not, the consequences can be pretty dangerous...and life-threatening actually.  And that being present, really blots out a lot of the continuous chatter that goes on in my mind,  or for that matter...all our minds. 

And the second scenario is the complete opposite....instead of sort of a clear-mind feeling...I completely focus, obsess over something, an issue, a problem, etc.   Usually I get to a very succint, definative answer, resolution as it were.  The only problem is....after the buzz of the ride wears off...the chatter has started back, and that resolution is shaded with doubts.

Who else goes thru this?

Here's a great 5 minute video of Pema Chödrön, who I like so much, talking about "unconditional friendship with oneself."  Take the time to watch it.

Selling the car

Meeting today with the potential car buyer for my old Buick Regal.  Mabel as I call it....that was the name my Dad always used when he didn't know a woman's name....always makes me smile to call the car that.

I've been commuting to work since August 21st....two days a week, then three, now up to four.  This coming week is first week for five days.  Amid various set backs with the bike....rear tire exploding on the way to work one day, brake cable breaking and almost crashing into a car (albeit at about 1 mph, still scary), and then another big car repair...I feel good about selling it and going car free.  Nervous, but good.

Great quote from Pema Chödrön:
FEAR IS A NATURAL REACTION TO MOVING CLOSER TO THE TRUTH. 
If you don't know her, check out some of her books, lectures....WHEN THINGS FALL APART is a great one to start with....